Da'wah Methodology to parents

[Abu Maryam Alsalafi]

Bismillahirrahmaanirrahim
Assalamoalaikum
The following is based on a real life situation.
A person is born in a sufi family. One of the parents does not care much about religion and does not pray. The other is interested in Islaam, but has no knowledge. You, the son/daughter are blessed with the correct creed and methodology. What is the best way to approach and guide the parents. They think you are brainwashed and a minority in the larger world, which is sufi. Since both are almost completely ignorant about islaam it is almost useless to debate with proofs. As the debate moves forward i will further unfold the many facets of this situation the brother in question is facing, insha'allah.

[Mahmoud Al-Misri]

Al Salamu Alaikum Akhee

The way to go about it would depend on many many factors (there is probably no correct answer), but the two things that he/she should keep in mind are:

1) Guidance is from Allah alone.

Verily! You (O Muhammad SAW) guide not whom you like, but Allâh guides whom He wills. And He knows best those who are the guided. (Al-Qasas 28:56)

Perhaps, you, would kill yourself (O Muhammad SAW) in grief, over their footsteps (for their turning away from you), because they believe not in this narration (the Qur'ân). (Al-Kahf 18:6)

2) Importance of good manners and obedience to his parents (in what does not come against Islam):

And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination. (Luqman 31:14)

But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do. (Luqman 31:15)

I have seen in many times (as well as can be seen from the Seerah) that good manners and linency was the key to the hearts of people even with limited Islamic knowledge, while roughness retracted people in many cases from following the Truth even if with huge Islamic knowledge.

And by the Mercy of Allâh, you dealt with them gently. And had you been severe and harsh*hearted, they would have broken away from about you; so pass over (their faults), and ask (Allâh's) Forgiveness for them; and consult them in the affairs. Then when you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allâh, certainly, Allâh loves those who put their trust (in Him). (Aali Imran 3:159)

Having said that some of the factors that would affect the way to deal with this situation: gender (I think it is tougher for sisters), age, financial independence, etc.

I also think talking to the mother will be easier then the father, so maybe he/she can start with her.

So lets start,

First recommendation: I would recommend (although I might be wrong), that he would not at first make it clear to them that he is following a different Manhaj then they are i.e. he should not put names on himself that would create a feeling of mistrust between them.

Although he might be calling them to the Truth, but just by placing a name that they have heard negative things (as u said brainwashed, etc.) about they will not taking anything from him, not related to Aqidah, or even basic Fiqhi issues.

By not showing them that, this would allow him to use the fact that they are "ignorant" about Islam but trust him to teach them about Islam (prioritizing ofcourse). Until they see for themselves the evil as evil, and until they themselves would see any evil sufi practice as evil and stay way from it.

I recall a story Shaykh Muhammad Ismael mentioned:

He said that there was this scholar in India (I do not recall the name) that used before his morning lecture to make supplication against Shaykh Muhammad ibn Abdulwahab (as if part of the morning Azkhar).
He had a student from Najd that did not know how to deal with his teacher, so he gave the teacher a copy of "Kitab al-Tawhid", but cut the cover so the Shaykh does not know who wrote it, and asked him to read the book and tell him what he thinks.
After the Shaykh read it he praised the book and the writer. The student then revealed that he it was Shaykh Muhammad, at that point the teacher realized that he had wronged towards the Shaykh and turned into one of his biggest defenders.

Similarily, as a first step, maybe that brother/sister need to cut the cover of first page and see what the parents think of the contents :)

After discussing this we can go into something else.

Salam for now

[Hamzah ibn Ali]

Asswrwb
This is an excellent post. A lot of youth have found themselves in such positions. They find themself being further away from their parents when Islaam should be bringing them closer to their parents.

To add to what akhi Mahmoud has stated...

We should look at the parents point of view, it could be:
1) that they are not really concerned about what creed their child is adopting. A lot of the time, from my own personal experiences, the parents are just scared to lose their child. That the child will leave them and lose respect for them. They see the sterotypes the media has depicted. That big bearded people, with short hair and 3/4 army shorts leave to fight jihaad.
This is especially the case when dealing with mothers.

2) Insecurity - "Who are you to tell me what I don't know?" I remember a brother, who was in a very similar situation, telling me an argument he had with his father. The father said "I have read books that when piled together would weigh heavier than you!"
This is especially the case when dealing with fathers.

3) Strong traditions - many cultural practices have leaked into Islaam in many countries.
This is usually from either mother or father.

In saying this, one solution could be in the saying "Actions speak louder than words."

You should work to express and bring attention to acts of the sunnah that they respect but are not aware that it is an act of Islam. For example, putting on a lot of perfume, spending a lot more time with the parents (shopping, eating together, talking etc), kissing their hands or forehead, visiting family etc.
The parent who doesn't pray will ask you or themself "Where do these characteristics come from?" With all this attention and love on them, how can they not think about Islaam. Which could lead to inspiration to prayer.
The parent who is interested in Islaam could be informed that these acts were taught by "so and so" and from this "book" when you notice that they are curious.

Traditional practices are very hard to break. We have to remember that the bid'ah they practice took some time happen. it went from A to B to Cto D to E.
So to counter it we can't simply go from E to A.

All this will need to be practiced with a lot of patience.

As Mahmoud has said, "The way to go about it would depend on many many factors (there is probably no correct answer)"

Just my humble and simple thoughts.

May Allah reward you all.